And the Passenger Was Death The Drama and Trauma of Losing a Child

"Our culture celebrates life and youth, but does not prepare us for the premature death of our children. Out of his intense personal grief, which ordinarily is isolating, Doug Daher enables us to understand the vitality of relating and the dynamics of healing in recovering from the death of one's child. This eloquent testimony to the resilience of the human spirit works brilliantly at so many levels of analysis from personal grieving, up through social support and ritual networks, and down to the business systems engulfing death. And the Passenger Was Death takes us on a moving journey--we'd all rather avoid, but eventually must take--conducting us through alien terrain in a most caring, inquisitive and therapeutically vital way."
Phil Zimbardo, President American Psychological Association

"For something as universal as death, it comes as a shock to find how unique each death is. But that is because a death breaks a specific relationship. Daher's book gives a painfully clear picture of one particular death--that of the young-adult son who meant so much to his father and for whom he had such high hopes. Step by step, Daher takes us through his devastating experience. Readers will be both moved and educated by going through it with him."
William Bridges, author of: The Way of Transition: Embracing Life's Most Difficult Moment

"An extraordinarily poignant diary-like read written by a grieving parent who chronicles his journey of grief. From the first moment of pain and disbelief through the funeral and the police investigation, hoping beyond hope that the question 'Why' would be answered. And then the realization that 'Why' would offer no solace.

"Dr Daher's unique position as PhD psychologist and bereaved father are obvious in the human struggle that presents itself as his journey of healing unfolds. A classic narration on the spiral nature of grief and mourning. It is rich with reminiscences and ritual. "
Marilyn S. Walke, Director of Client Care, Centre for Living with Dying

Introduction

ACT I—First Week
The Delivery
The Ride
The Confusion
The Planning
The First Night
The Company
The Detective
The Visit
The Dream
The Informing
The Wake
The Funeral
The Circle

ACT II—Players
Protection
Matching Stars
Cleared Eyes
Cracking Glass

ACT III—Inside
The Crying
The Despair
The Anger
The Longing
The Remembering
The Forgetting
The Loss
The Attachment

ACT IV—Systems
The Bank
The Worker’s Compensation
The Insurance
The Preamble
The Lawsuit

ACT V—Rituals
Tree Planting
Ashes
Second Anniversary

ACT VI—Healing Relationships

Conclusion

Postscript

Resources

References

Index