Beyond Anger and Violence A Program for Women, Participant Workbook

Beyond Anger and Violence: A Program for Women Participant Workbook is the participant's personal place for reflection, reactions, and learning, during and after management sessions. The activities inside reinforce program lessons about anger and violence, including how families, relationships, communities, and society affect one's life. In learning about the relationships between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, participants can begin to grasp a better self-understanding that will help them manage anger in a healthier, more productive manner. They'll develop new skills for communication, conflict resolution, and decision-making, and will be introduced to a variety of calming techniques.

Beyond Anger and Violence is a 40-hour, evidence-based program designed for women who have difficulty managing anger. Based on a social-ecological model, the program addresses the factors that put people at risk for experiencing overwhelming feelings of anger, and perpetrating assaults or destruction of property. This curriculum acknowledges anger as a normal, appropriate, and human emotion, but also recognizes the destruction it can lead to if allowed to get out of control. This workbook will help guide participants through the program, reinforcing the discussions held in session. Topics include:

• The effects of trauma
• Relationships and communication, control, and conflict
• The importance of safety and the power of community
• Self-transformation, and creating change

The workbook also includes a Daily Anger Log, a Self-Reflection Tool, and list of yoga poses that can have a calming effect on both body and mind. Participants may already recognize the effects of anger on their lives, and that it may even be affecting their health. Through the Beyond Anger and Violence program, and the exercises in this workbook, they can join a group of women working to create a less-violent world.

Introduction xi

Orientation Session 1

Overview of the Program 1

Your Workbook 2

Group Introductions 3

Topics Covered in this Program 3

Group Agreements 4

Triggers and Coping Tools 5

Five Senses 6

Breathing and Exhaling 6

Statistics on Violence in the United States 7

Definition of Violence 9

The Social-Ecological Model (People in the Environment) 9

Creating a Container 13

Discovering Your Anger Style 15

Assignment 17

Self-Soothing Activity: Palms Down, Palms Up 18

Part A: Self 19

Session One: Thinking Our Thoughts 21

The Spiral of Violence and Nonviolence 22

Cognitive Distortion 23

My Typical Distorted Thinking 25

Feelings Inside and Outside 27

The DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 28

Understanding Keila 28

Understanding Me 30

Assignment 32

Session Two: Feeling Our Feelings 35

Identifying Feelings 36

Beliefs About Feelings 39

Intensity of Feelings 40

Emotional Wellness 44

Feelings and the Body 45

When Feelings Threaten to Overwhelm You 46

The Observer Self 47

Assignment 48

Session Three: Violence and Trauma in Our Lives 49

Types of Abuse 50

The Process of Trauma 50

Calming Strategies 54

Two Calming Activities 54

Daily Anger Log 56

Assignment 57

Session Four: The Effects of Trauma 59

Adverse Childhood Experiences Survey 60

The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study 62

The Effects of Trauma and Substance Use on the Brain 63

Risk Factors for Addiction 64

Personal Experiences with Substances 65

Triggers and the Body 67

Yoga Poses and the Mind-Body Connection 70

Assignment 70

Session Five: Women and Anger 73

Understanding Our Anger 74

Words for Anger 75

Meeting a Feeling 76

The Anger Funnel 77

Anger Triggers 79

Hidden Anger 80

Self-Inflicted Violence 81

Personal Anger Inventory 82

Assignment 88

Session Six: Tools for Managing Anger 91

Anger Management Strategies 92

Anger Dos and Don’ts 93

Self-Reflection Tool 95

My Personal Best 99

Assignment 100

Session Seven: Understanding Ourselves 101

DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 102

Understanding My Anger 104

Understanding My Behavior 106

Becoming Whole 108

Assignment 110

Part B: Relationships 111

Session Eight: Our Families 113

Self-Soothing Activity: Deep Breathing 114

Risk Factors 114

Family Sculpture 115

The Cost of Violence 116

Feelings and the Family 117

The Family Anger Questionnaire 118

Wheel of the Nurturing Family 122

Assignment 125

Session Nine: Communication 127

Communication Styles 128

Nonverbal Communication 129

Communicating Emotions 130

Strategies for Creating Connection in Communication 131

Responses to Stress 132

Assignment 134

Session Ten: Power and Control 135

The Power and Control Wheel 136

Types of Abuse in Relationships 140

The Violence Continuum 142

Escalation and De-escalation 144

Assignment 145

Session Eleven: Conflict Resolution 147

Fair Fighting 148

Words, Words, Words 150

Impulse Control 151

The Equality Wheel 153

Assignment 155

Session Twelve: Creating Our Relationships 157

Falling in Love 158

Love and Addiction 159

Contrasting Intimate Relationships and Addictive Relationships 160

How to End a Relationship 161

Assignment 162

Part C: Community 163

Session Thirteen: Our Communities 165

Self-Soothing Activity: Progressive Muscle Relaxation 166

Our Communities 169

Visualization 170

Friendship 173

Assignment 174

What’s in a Name? 176

Session Fourteen: The Importance of Safety 177

Safety in the Community 178

The Four Kinds of Safety 179

Environment and Behavior 181

Safe and Unsafe Environments 182

Safety and the Body 183

Community Maps 184

Assignment 187

Session Fifteen: Creating Community 189

DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 190

Crossroads 192

Making Good Decisions 194

Assignment 196

Session Sixteen: The Power of Community 199

DVD of What I Want My Words To Do To You 200

Activity: Writing About a Kind Act 201

Assignment 202

Part D: Society 203

Session Seventeen: Society and Violence 205

Self-Soothing Activity: Breathing in the Positive 206

Reviewing the Risks for Violence 207

The Culture Wheel 208

Institutional and Cultural Supports for Domestic Violence 210

Working to End Violence 212

Art as an Expression of the Levels of Violence 215

Assignment 217

Session Eighteen: Creating Change 221

Health, Harmony, and Wholeness 222

The Spirals of Transformation 224

Assignment 226

Session Nineteen: Transforming Our Lives 227

Visualization 228

The Role of Remorse in Transformation 229

The Process of Transformation 230

Making Amends 231

Forgiveness 232

Assignment 233

Session Twenty: Honoring Ourselves and Our Community 235

The Relational Wheel 236

Are You Becoming the Person You Want to Be? 238

ORID 239

Appreciation 241

Appendix 1: Daily Anger Log 243

Appendix 2: Self-Reflection Tool 251

Appendix 3: Yoga Poses 261

1. Breath of Joy 261

2. Seated Pigeon’s Pose 262

3. Modified Triangle 263

4. Twisted Branches to Open Wings 264

References 267

About the Author 271

About the Cover 273

Feedback Form 275